not been sleeping much. not been eating much. not been myself much. knowing how greedy n lazy i am, my past behaviour has suprisingly shocked me. wahahaha.. come to tink of it, i hv nv felt so energised before. n gastric has not hurt me at all.. in fact, i nv got hungry. yeah!! lose weight time. =) =)

sheesh, who am i kidding man. i am JOY. i'm supposed to smile n laugh n remain optimistic no matter bleak my world is. still, bcoz i sooo adore blogging, i brought him unnecessary questions frm kaypo ppl. everybody, its all my fault. i hv nv understood. nv appreciated. nv given back. serves me right to be in living hell now. but till the v last second n the time we met aft we parted, he has been the sweetest ever. so just stop asking n let him be yeah? n leave me alone too.

sorry. i only just realised how pessimistic i hv been abt us in my recent entries. i angered my classmates coz i didn't noe how to control my emotions here. n once again, my vicious thoughts hv made u see a side of me tts unseen. i must hv been possessed coz i 'regret' is too small a wrd to describe my guilt towards u.

i wan u to move on but yet more than half of me dun wan u to. for some strange reason i cannot bear tt thought n the hurt just starts again. i guess, i'm selfish up till now. so much for maturing n understanding. so much for changing. i guess despite how much i try, a leopard will nv change its spots.

n for some reason, my hello kitty keeps shaking her head. xinyu says its telling me not to cry.. perhaps perhaps.. but, it has nv shaken under my bedrm lighting conditions before. not since he gave it to me on my last birthday.

i dun like blogging sad moppy stuff. so until i find reason to be happy again, tis blog is
CLOSED.




thanks to alisa, trixie, brian, my maid, ting, cher, bee bee, lynn, jessica, xueqin, gerald, darren, shahirah n xinyu for trying to help me see the light. its dark for now but i still thank u.

thanks to mommy who i tink noes wat happened but nv probbed n was always there to hug n cry with me. thanks for ur shopping offer but i'm still not up to it.

thanks also to him. who occupied my life n left footprints all over my heart.